I was informed that I need to update

Apparently I need to add to this thing...I hope this doesn't turn into the ramble I think it might.

So I've been thinking alot about when I move to Vancouver and how it will be great to meet some new people and how it'd be awesome to meet a guy out there. The only thing that concerns me is that it means I won't want to come back, haha. I think that's one of my biggest fears though, that I'll have no reason to come home. I never planned on moving to Vancouver for forever, but at the same time...aside from family and my animals (which I will miss soooo incredibly much), I don't know what real reason I have to be here any more. I love the job I have right now, it's fun and great experience, but not the sort of thing I want/could do much longer. The entertainment industry here is growing, but I just can't see the sort of photography I want to do being that easy to do here. Though it would help if I had a clearer idea of what I actually wanted to do, I suppose...

But back to the point or what may have been the point at one point. Ahem.

I think that's my Mom's biggest 'fear' too, is that I'll go and meet someone from Vancouver and then not want to come back. Ya never know though I guess...maybe he'll be up for moving! Who knows.

What I do know though is that I don't have much time left here right now...I plan on heading West around the middle/end of September after my brother and his wife have their baby in August. I didn't want to miss that for anything. But my time here is limited and it's just one of those things...like now would be when I'd meet some guy and not be able to have a relationship because I'm leaving. It's something that would happen to me though. I'm not sure if it's because I'm so excited or if it's some sort of defense against that happen, but I seem to tell guys I meet lately, like within the first 10 minutes of talking to them, that I'm moving, haha.

I keep thinking of this guy though that has been coming in and out of my life for the past 6 years now basically. It drives me nuts! I've always liked him, since the moment I met him...but it has just never worked. We've been friends though, off and on. It's been a strange trip, I have to say. Finally I'm to that stage where I just don't want to like him any more and I thought I'd managed that...then I fall for it all over again. What's up with that? It seems to happen to me alot though...it's happened with others. Those I've always gotten over in the end though and don't think about them much any more...except one. But he's another story, haha. But this one...right now I think it's pure attraction, not really thinking about a future or anything. I see him and he's gorgeous and nothing else matters at that moment...I look at him and it feels like he's looking at me differently than he has in the past and my stomach flutters even though I've told myself 3000 times I can't think of him like that any more.

Really.

It's not fair what one look can do to you.